Once we decided we wanted a baby where the hell do we go from there? I understand not everyone is as psycho about having a kid as I am..don't think I've got issues? I've already read "The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians"(i recommend this if you are thinking about starting your own journey), "What to expect before you're expecting", done tons of research, and looked into what my insurance covers and does not cover...and this was all about 6 months before we even discussed a timeline for when to begin...I just needed to be extra prepared for everything; I had to research as much as I could and be ready to ask all the questions I needed. (we are extremely lucky in having infertility insurance and lo and behold we would need it and use it...)
Why infertility insurance...yes I am only 26, but I never had regular periods (an issue that has worried me for years because my biggest goal/dream is being a mom). After having my gallbladder removed in June 2011 my periods became more irregular and it came time to talk to a doctor about what I should do, what to expect and if I should be worried.
Elise and I recently saw a fertility specialist that did not make me feel like I was insane for my fears..nor did she make us feel uncomfortable because we were two young women who wanted to embark on a journey into motherhood. Not having a regular cycle is a huge issue for us...we need to know when ovulation will occur so we can be prepared...(if not thats a lot of money wasted on sperm). So what happens to a lesbian who wants to get pregnant and has an irregular cycle? Her doctor does exactly what she would do for a heterosexual woman...first tries with a cycle of clomid...
So now this is the first leg of our "journey"...I get all the required blood tests and we prepare for our first month of clomid assisted ovulation....coupled with a few ultrasounds and a sterile non-romantic environment.
financial:
For those of you who may embark on this journey you may wonder, like we did, what monetary figures you should prepare for. Luckily I have infertility insurance so we get a significant amount of help but it is still not cheap. Without insurance prepare yourself for about $2,500-5,000 a month of doctors fees (consultations, ultrasounds, blood work, prescriptions, etc) and about $1000 for a single dose or semen (what we like to refer to as squiggles). Yes this is the cost for a single month but like I said it may be more or less depending on your doctor and whether you have infertility insurance. (look into your insurance benefits before you even speak to a doctor)
Squiggles:
It is important to decided whether you will have a known or unknown donor (get from someone you know or get from a sperm bank). Initially we looked at a donor that would donate to us but not from a bank. It seemed like a good idea but I believe we both had our doubts but also had many aspects that we were excited about. After talking this over with our doctor she strongly urged that we go with a bank and it seemed to be the best option for us... (Yes having a known donor may be cheaper initially, but remember you will have other legal fees if you are doing this as a couple and want the non-birth mother to be able to adopt the baby)
We had our moments where we were discouraged...it was overwhelming, depressing, and just not fair. There are so many women who get pregnant on accident that do not appreciate the gift they are given...and here we are (along with many other couples in our situation, gay and straight) having to bear the emotional and financial burden of "infertility." During our momentary freak out we cried, we talked, we cried some more and eventually realized that what really mattered was that we loved each other and wanted to have a family...and that WE COULD DO THIS!!!. We knew that together we could get through this journey and eventually (hopefully) come out as mommies. So we are past our thinking everything is unfair phase and we are jumping head first into this adventure..together. My exercise physiologist of a wife will soon (by soon I mean today) have me on a exercise plan (paired with stretching), a healthy diet (conducive to baby making), and on a multivitamin regiment...anything she can do to help and be involved, I welcome with open arms...
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